"sometimes the things we want will never be the things we have.."

holidays. a big fat PFFT to it. it's getting boring by the minute. once there were so many plans and when that day comes, the plans are pushed to one another for confirmation and end up, nothing happens. it's always like that aye? the only plan that made it was the cycling, but end up it was only me and ifah. it was fun though. cycled from my place to east coast all the way till changi airport. we were aiming for changi beach but halfway the pathway came to a dead end and we were too chickened to cycle on the main road. which was a waste of time because we endured red ants and spider webs just to be greeted with a dead end. oh wells. we cycled home with a painful butt from the lousy hard seat. ifah's cushion butt proved no help either. but it's nice going on a "date" with her. back to those old days (flashbacks to year one) when me n her would just hang out and gossip and be nuts. i love you babe. *hehehe*

and other plans would include shopping with my 2 babellinies because they would start working soon(this plan, where has it gone to?), tennis (which i didnt make it cuz i was at home snoozing), holland village a-scouting (which didnt work out either because of the rain) and picnic (deyvy's asking for it but where's our resources?).
so there, amidst all these, i'm pretty much slacking at home eating comfort foods in search of feeling happy and contented with life, but it all comes down to nothing. so yay to my holidays. *big big yawn*

*realisation pops into head*

me and holidays, we dont get along well these days. my previous 1 mth+ holiday didnt work out as planned. shit happened. and now, for a week's hols, shit still happens. oh bother.
back to school, shit always happens. so either way, my life pretty much sucks. whose life doesnt suck, please slap/kick yourself a million and one times. thank you.
in an act of impulse, some day i might just close down this blog because there's nothing to it. which i dont think people would bother because by then no one wants to read me because i whine too much and it bores the hell outta people.
i just crossed over to being a bitter soul. i'm sorry. but what the hell.

oh uds, the sacrifices you're willing to make. even so, things dont seem to go the way i thought it would. for once when i thought it was gonna be my aphrodisiac, it turned into something stale. so where does it leave me now? issues and confusions.
i dont know why, but i get bothered easily by the slightest things. i really shouldn't put so much hope into some things cuz, when they fail, i'm the one hurting myself in the end. so help me, i'm lacking in aphrodisiacs these days. as a result, there you have it. a bitter soul, down in the doldrums. chocolates have been nothing but fat additions.

back to realisation.

a friend's friend asked me the other day, "what's your ambition?".
it took me awhile to answer because i hafnt the slightest idea what i wanted to be. the end result, i answered with an obvious "i don't know..".
my ambitions when i was a kid were the typical ones. like being a teacher, a vet, a writer and an air stewardess. i don't know why i wanted to be a teacher. it's so not my cup of tea. i wanted to be a vet because i loveeeeee animals. but seeing the state i'm in now, afraid of even jabbing my own cat, that ambition went down the drain a long long time ago. an air stewardess, oooohhhhh it's like everyone's dream job. because you get to travel, and you get paid for it. and you just serve passengers on board. upon destination, that's your problem what you wanna do. isnt that fun?! i'll have to ask ninie. she's the experienced one. but then again, i know i know! i'm short. so that ambition went away as well. as for being a writer, you guys know i'm not up to it just by reading this boring old blog. *yawn*
as i grew up, my initial ambitions went away as well cuz the world is horrid. you need this or that in order to get this or that and you have to do this to get that and every other shit.
sigh.. i wish i would stay as a delusional child, staying home and be happy just by watching My Little Pony or any of those stupid children cartoons, and believe that there is a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow and that fairies exist.
okay so now back to the topic. my ambition. hmm.. i dont totally have no ambitions at all. i do but i'm not sure whether it could satisfy my life or be long term. like for example, i wanna be a photographer. i love a camera in hand and i love to snap snap snap away. yes i know i'm a photowhore but, i actually love to capture the essence of life, the beauty of nature and candid shots. i loveeeee traditional black and white pictures. just gimme a bloody darn SLR camera and i'd be happy. someday, my pictures might end up in Getty Images or something. *drools* their pictures are gorgeous... *dreams*
while at that, i think being a photojournalist is rather interesting. again, it has to do with photos. AND with a story to boot. hehe.. but please don't send me off to those war-torn countries like Iraq. i don't wanna lose a limb or neither get shot or even worse, die!!

oh well. i might just end up with a daily 9-5 job. as long as the boss and the work environment is great and the money's good, i'm happy.

and ohhhhh yes, thanks for the comments! appreciate it much! love you all, sayang semua, ai ni men.

i bo liao-ed.
thus...

i tried to make a new template. comments?
Another poll

yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!

know why?

yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!

projcts and exams are over!! it feels so goooood to cancel off the things under my checklist!! but let's face the awful truth, we're only having one week and a half's break. and i'm so gonna miss my 2 best babellinies. but that's okay. shall do some catching up before work/project catches up with us.

and fyi, yesterday was good. being the occasion that it's the last day of exams(hoots!), everyone had "coffee bean" under their eyes and walked around town like cute lil zombies that we are. eheheheheh..
bonded closely with people i never quite bonded with before. namely izyan, bad and nDee. what took us so long to do so??!! and had that nice chat with izyan. dont worry babe, i'm alright. things shall have to move on. hopefully things shall turn out for the better for you too yeah? plus aleem was there too. he even watched a movie with us and was given a treat by seeing a glimpse of tits from the movie for a split sec. hahaha! too bad sha had to work, or was it good that sha has to work? huarhahahahahaha! *bitch alert*
just jokin kay.

dont you just hate it when someone recently has your number, and asks you how many exes you've had(ultimate lame question in the history of mankind) and cant wait to talk to you on the phone and keeps smsing you a few times a day asking the same question "can i call you now?". by cant wait i really mean damn impatient.
you're damn creepy till i'm startin to divert my phone calls.
and fyi, i have been rejecting his offers to talk.

shan't be bothered. shall start off my pathetic holiday by..... errr... hmmmmm.... any plans sooner than those for next week?

oh looky here.. what news awaits me in friendster for today.

sOuL LaDy wrote:
> hie .....
> 1st n for all....
> i wud like to apologised..
> lookin 4ward 4 ur rply...

now who is this you people wonder.....

who else but the bitch mentioned in my earlier post. nama nak sOuL LaDy konon. PUIIII ah tak de soul langsung! pleaseee dont misuse the word ah! you're only degrading yourself. nak aku tolong kau letak nama betol kau pat sini? or better yet, letak muka kau pat sini? let it be known to people ah. kau kan desperate for a boyfriend.

nak aku nye reply kan?
eh.. baru nak cakap sorry? kau ni ketinggalan zaman ke... tido cam babi skarang baru nak bangun? dah terlambat pun nak sorry² ni suma. what makes you think that, by saying sorry i will forget about it? you are so wrong.. i will never, ever ever ever forget, and forgive you. you made such a big impression. how can i forget a shiok sendiri slut like you that goes around invading people's relationship? you even had the cheek to tell him to forget me and stop talking about me to you. who the fuck do you think you are?? cant wait for me to get out of his mind, tak sabar eh kau! shameless habis!!

happy lah kau dapat dia. thats what you've been targeting dari dulu kan? you've got what you wanted, so why are you saying sorry? kau ni betol ke tak betol? otak kau sot kepe?! amacam kau ngn dia? ke kau kena share dia ngn orang lain pulak? eh bagus eh kau, care and share. tak pelokek. trend relationship zaman terkini ah! kalau kau cerewet tak suka share pulak, pergi lah curik orang lain nye boyfriend! kau kan number one expert! make it your hobby! make it your career! letak diri kau pat classified ads ah!

dont blame me for doing this ah. kau blame pon, aku tak kisah huarhahaha! people deserve to know such pple like you and what you did. who have no shame. so immature. tak de principles diri sendiri. muka je innocent tapi perangai mcm sials. but i must feel honoured ah. you found time to say sorry to me even though you're busy whoring around. you even have the audacity to msg me. thick skin people aye?

like i said, all the best to kau ngn dia. a bastard and a bitch, go soooooooooooo well together.
all the best to ruining your life. on that, i support you.

i've been depressed. about god-knows-what. cuz seriously, i dont even know what i'm depressed about. there's too many things jumbled up in my head. maybe exams? i'm not sure. affairs of the heart? i'm not sure. PMS? could be a big yes. my sleep timetable has changed drastically, my stress levels are skyrocketing and my hormones are messed up. that could be the reason why my PMS is soooo irregular. to all males reading this, i'm sorry i burned ur eyes.

seriously, a week's holiday before FYP/IAP starts is not good enough. a week's break from a stressful semester. that's just plain stingy and unreasonable. thinking of doing FYP just sucks also. i've just released the tensions of multiple projects and here i am after a week doing it again. for 12 weeks. well at least.

i hate to be the bearer of bad news. i hate to make people have false hopes. i hate to be bluntly honest. i hate to be a heartbreaker. i hate to make people miserable. i hate to make people hate me. but i have no choice. the truth hurts, yes it does. and sometimes i cant bring myself to say it out for fear of hurting the other. but i'd rather be honest than make someone believe something that is actually not there.
i guess soon, someone will do the same to me. i dont need to wait for the news to start to realise. signs would be enough to determine what's coming. i could be wrong, i could be right. oh wells, no matter what happens, i did have fun.

and another thing, i'm sick of him being the target for all the bastard's doing. stop it already! for those who believed the bastard, you're all fucking idiots!! the bastard is just trying to cover himself up. oh the sad tales he spun, to gain sympathy. and ruin other people's names. just because he chatted with me doesnt mean he was the one who brainwashed me and caused the split. u're all ducking dumb.
oh yeah sure. what were those reasons i hear? "concentrate on study.. concentrate on family.. have time for yourself.. too busy to commit.." + other craps u've said. a liar will always remain a liar. i was so stupid to have believed.
your studies have been deteriorating like fuck. u've been having the time of your life chasing around women right after the split till you've got 4 up ur sleeve. u've been clubbing and neglecting everything else. you've been spinning untrue tales and putting the blame on others whereas the problem lies in you. you're ashamed of your own self that you have to blame another for your own actions. you're a fucking jackass loser with no life. you're a downright liar through and through. i pity those that are falling under ur pretence charm. they don't know what they're getting themselves into. as for that particular one bitch, all the best to you and ur puppy love for him. and for the rest, really, good luck. thanks to your uninvited presence, you made me realise he wasnt boyfriend material. not even the basics.
wanna be friends? over my dead body. you're not even friend material. u're just saying it to make me feel that i'm not really losing you isnt it? you know what? i dont care. NOT EVEN A SINGLE BIT. in fact, i cant wait to get you out of my life.
so there, im totally hating you. you're not worth my time. you're someone useless that brings shame to your family. i pity ur mom for having you borned and has to deal with ur shits as you grow up. i pity her for having paid for ur education cuz it seems you've learned nothing from it.

i dont deserve that treatment. i can do better.

thanks sha-bear and nDee for talking shits with me these past few days.
talking with nDee has been fun cuz he's trying out the new msn 7.5's voice clip.

nDee.

yeah la u very "in" lor got microphone i dont have. dont friend, DONT FRIEND LAH WAH LAO! se mo nien tai lerrr.... (-_-)"

and to TownBear, nice meeting you after one year of knowing each other and finally meeting!! hurhur.

took this from mardeeeyah's blog. since i am procrastinating study, so i'm gonna do this.

Place a X by all the things you've done.
A bit of fun.
Takes awhile though.

(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x)been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
() snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
(x) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
( )been to Canada
() been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) eaten sushi
( ) been skiing
(x) been at a concert
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( )made a snow angel
() had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake ID *not exactly fake, it just wasn't
mine
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat/kangaroo
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light/stop sign
( ) been suspended from school
( ) been in a car crash
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast/third person
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you looked
( ) witnessed a crime
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
( ) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been on the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons (uds : in my dream last night in some shopping centre with ninie)
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
( ) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you (uds added : "used to") care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
( ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) kissed a fish
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) scared to watch a scary movie alone
(x) believe in ghosts
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played gay chicken
(x) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on (uds : does sea count?)
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused (uds : im always easily amused)
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) french braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool/hot tub
(x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house or been kicked out of your house
( ) loved someone so much you would gladly die for them

bugis with luoyan

followed her to get her stuff from bugis village. naik geram tengok beads siak!! belambak peh lawa! sayang saya ni tak de cash. broke babe. tak mo spend unnecessary lah eh. ehem..

any male cant get it up? here's the solution for you. hurhur. get it at bugis.

it's hot, especially being in bugis village.

ever seen bendable ice-cream?

click video neh..

it's very cute ice-cream hurhur.

so dudut went to the vet again this morning, ninie brought her. doc said her condition is worser, despite the fact that we have been injecting her 200ml regularly everyday. now is 2 times a day, meaning 2 times the normal dosage, for 2 weeks. AGAIN. sian boh! is the vet for real, or just sucking away our money?!

uds ♥ duts

I told you everything, opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright, for once in my life
Now all thats left of me is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside

Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I dont cry on the outside anymore
Anymore

finally byebye citect, byebye content and byebye c#. phew.. almost didnt sleep for 24 hrs. i must be nuts!
spent todae sleeping until late afternoon, cuz got woken up by the banging of the door of pple going in and out. irritating.
and online i am, googling myself.
Google Earth rocks! that's how far it is from home to school. oh my goddddd....
i've found orchard road, ikea, holland village, bedok interchange, friends' houses, changi airport bla bla bla.. it's so exciting!

i'm just taking a break here.
i'm so stressed.
have been doing C# since like 3pm till now.
with mini breaks in between.
for ninie to use her comp.
i just so hate programming.
i cant wait till tmrw's presentation is over, be it good or bad.
believe me im trying my best.
i cant wait to get out of that class screaming "hell yeah!! it's finally done!" with luoyan in tow.
and laugh all the way home, only to face content flash and study citect.
oh man.
a week's break is just not enough.
sucky school.
i just wanna cry cuz my programming sucks.

eh dont bug me to update la. busy u know.

ah damnit. i have to make another checklist. my com's down and ninie's lappy doesnt have those post-it desktop notes that i used to have and its kinda hard to take note of projects/tests/exams. i dun always refer to my notebook anyway. so here i am.

Tuesday.

• networking project presentation

Wednesday.

• Interactive Multimedia common test
• citect project + report submission
• technoshit submission

Friday.

• Interactive Multimedia flash presentation + submission

Week 16
Monday.

• C# presentation + submission. (dear god, pls help me on this. thank you. hurhur)

Tuesday.

• content design flash submission

Wednesday.

• CITECT
• Time : 12:30PM - 02:30PM
• Group : D3
• Venue : G.221 (Z3)
• Seat : 235

Week 17

Tuesday.

• Networking
• Time : 08:30AM - 10:30AM
• Group : D1
• Venue : G.221 (Z2)
• Seat : 13

Thursday.

• Content Design (oh joy oh great..................)
• Time : 08:30AM - 10:30AM
• Group : D1
• Venue : G.221 (Z3)
• Seat : 162

selamat berbuat projek y'all. moga² jgn lupa pentingkan diri juga ye. kalau ngantok, jgn paksa buat. tido je.

belated photos and videos.

click on links below.
Friday the 2nd
School by day, Electrico by night
From ifah's cam


stupidity at the fitness area part I


stupidity at the fitness area part II


Electrico - Fabled Angst Machine Acoustic

and then i haf difficulty uploading the rest of the videos. will try again later.

rainy sunday afternoon. yawwnnss..


and im lazing at home eating...


watching double episodes of.....


and this is for izah. presenting to you my darls.
Dudut. Twinkle. OuiOui(wiwi).