Understanding Women
"yes" = no
"no" = yes
"maybe" = no
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"Its your decision" = You better select the option I've already chosen
"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later
"We need to talk" = You did something wrong
"Sure,go ahead" = You go ahead you die
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset,you moron!
"You're so macho" = Can you please go and shave and shower?
"Be romantic,turn out the lights" = My thighs are flabby
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a house
"Can't we just be friends?" = There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again.
"I just need some space" = Without you in it
"We're moving too quickly!" = I want to find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend first
"Do you love me?" = I want something expensive
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"I don't know.What do you want to do?" = I cant believe you had nothing planned!
"Sure chicken rice is okay" = You cheapo slob!
"I said,nothing's wrong,okay?" = It's that time of the month
"Are you listening to me?" = Too late you're dead

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Understanding Men
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can i take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can i call you up sometime" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Shall we dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"What's wrong?" = Why are you making such a big deal about this small thing?
"What's wrong?" = What self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = Wah lau,tonight sure got no sex already
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you too" = Okay i said it..we'd better have sex now!
"Yes i like the way you cut your hair" = You cut your hair?
"Let's talk." = Maybe if i show you i am deep and sensitive,you'll have sex with me
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
(while shopping)
"I like that one better." = Wah lau,pick any freakin' dress and let's hurry up,go home,can or not?!
"I dont think that blouse and that skirt go very well together" = I'm gay


taken from 8 Days magazine :)